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Alternative Eid Al-Adha Speech

I recently read that a veiled Muslim woman will deliver this year's alternative Christmas speech on a British TV channel.  I find this very interesting.  In fact, I'm looking for a media outlet where can give either an alternative Hanukkah speech, or maybe an alternative Eid Al-Adha speech.  I think if I go with the alternative Eid Al-Adha speech, I can probably draw a larger audience by getting support from groups like PETA.  If you're not familiar with this holiday, according to wikipedia, "Muslims all over the world present an animal (usually a cow) sacrifice as a gratitude action for God saving the Prophet Ismail's life".  I wonder what religious garb I should don?  Perhaps a choir robe.

Hold on a second; can you even sacrifice an animal here in the US?  I guess it just depends on how you sacrifice it.  I know it's ok to hunt certain animals during certain seasons.  Is there a season for hunting cows?

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

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Ignorant Bigoted Darwinists

I was on my way home from work the other day when I got behind a new red Honda Civic driven by a 30-something male.  He was hovering right around the speed limit, 25 mph, so I had ample time to study the back of his car.  There really wasn't much there, except for one of those fabulous little sign-of-the-fish symbols with legs and "DARWIN" inscribed in the middle.  

This guy could be an idiot and simply think it's a neat and/or cool emblem to display on the back of his shiny new car.  But my guess is that he doesn't like the Christian faith, understands that this is a Christian symbol, and takes joy in a lame attempt at putting down those who believe that we were created by a higher being, God.

The "sign of the fish" isn't any sort of aggressive symbol or attack on any belief.  It's often used by Christians who would like others driving behind them to know that they are Christians.  Personally, I don't have one on my car because I think people driving behind me would see it, see how I drive, and probably curse God.  Seeing how I am a Christian, I prefer not to encourage people to curse God.  Maybe I should put a picture of Muhammad. . . only kidding.  No riots please!

But I digress.  I would bet money that this guy in my neighborhood has never read any of Darwin's writings.  Even if he has, and he considers himself a Darwinist, what does that have to do with my religion's "sign of the fish"?   So basically, this guy is trying to slap me in the face because I'm a Christian.

You can call it what you want, but I call it bigotry.  Actually, as you can see from my title, I really call it "Ignorant Bigoted Darwinists".

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

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Down With the Evil Rich

As you probably already know, the rich are the bane of the world.  They have entirely too much money and their frivolous spending is frankly disgusting.  Whether it's here in the U.S. or Europe, the Middle East or South America, rich people are ruining it for the rest of us.

We really should put an end to this.  Since the U.S. is moving more and more towards a democracy (and most people think that's what we are anyway), I say we just get everyone who makes less than $75k per year to vote Democrat from now on.  With Socialist/Communist Democrats in control, we can be assured that laws will be passed penalizing anyone making more than $75k per year.  Other laws, programs, and legislation will be passed to further assist in stealing from those wretched rich people and give their money to the helpless, innocent, deserving poor.

Of course the ultimate goal is to make everyone equal.  Everyone will earn the same amount of money no matter what they do, where they live, or how much talent or education they have.  This will be wonderful.  The end of class warfare in America.

I checked the stats and in 2000, average earnings per job was about $36,000.  So under our new society, let's just assume that every working person will earn $36,000/year.  A household with two working adults will earn $72,000/year.  That sounds great.  Unless of course you currently make more than $36k/year; but you're the minority and this is for the greater good.  After all, the country as a whole will be a much better place to live because we'll all be equal.

Obviously, there will have to be some adjustments.

Since no one will be able to afford luxury items, companies that manufacture high end cars, boats, houses, jewelry, and clothes will go out of business.  That also means, engineers, designers, contractors, salesmen, and thousands of other workers will have to do something else.  We won't have any doctors, nurses, lawyers, executives, pro athletes, or small business owners because there won't be enough reward for the cost of education, training, and risk.  Unfortunately there won't be any retail stores because no business can afford to pay cashiers and burger-flippers $36,000/year.  But that won't really matter because there won't be any educational institutions teaching people how to read or count. No one is going to teach for $36,000/year for very long and of course, there won't be any administrators.

I guess the government will have to start assigning jobs to people, especially those that no one wants to do.  All products will be too costly with the dramatic increase in labor so we'll either have to purchase everything from overseas or the government will have to set the price on goods as well.  Once the price is set, goods will be more valuable than they're worth so there will be shortages and long lines.  Say good-bye to R&D and new or improved products.  Of course someone in government will still want to look out for their cousin Jimmy so there will be lots of products on the market that no one really wants.  After all, everyone will have to do some sort of work.

Hopefully, since everyone will be equal the crime rate will drop.  That's assuming that no one in the country is greedy at all.  I guess that also assumes that since luxury items won't be available, the demand for them will also stop.  Not sure what will happen to large homes that no one can afford.  I would assume that they'll be taken over by the government or law enforcement.  Perhaps multiple families can move in to them and share the costs.  

That makes sense, since most people will stop having children.  Without a means to earn more money to support a larger family, people that want children will probably only have 1.  Although I guess income levels could rise based on the number of children you have, but that might encourage people to have children they don't really care about.  Nah, the government would never do something like that.

Actually, this whole scenario assumes that there is a limited supply of money, but we all know the fed can make as much as they want.  So never-mind.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time

If you haven't seen "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time", you need to.  It's totally pointless, well, it does have entertainment value, so I guess that makes it is good as the evening news.  

Unfortunately, this video will probably offend someone.  Perhaps there's a PETA for fruit or something, although you probably wouldn't want to use PETF cause no one could say it.  So maybe they could use PETfruit, but that sounds like pet fruit which is a little odd.  So my guess is there's not PETA for fruit.  So maybe there's some lyric about peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat that someone will take to be foul, vulgar, or just a shot at their family, heritage or religion.  If it offends anyone, don't blame me, I didn't create it.  Although now I'm beginning to worry that someone will find a way to hold me responsible for their clicking the link and turning the volume up.

Maybe I should give warning and have you sign something before watching it.  Although that probably won't matter.  It didn't matter for the school teacher in Frisco, TX who was fired over a child witnessing nude art; in a museum of all places.  Get a clue lady.

Speaking of peanut butter jelly and museums, I just googled that.  Guess what I found?  A blog titled Peanut Butter & Jelly.  Of course I clicked through so that if the blogger checks their stats like I do, they'll see what I searched to find them.  Perhaps they'll think it's funny that I found their blog by searching "peanut butter jelly and museums".

Perhaps I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Killer Badgers

 I have a problem with rabbits in my back yard; it's out of control.  See, I leave food out in my fenceless backyard and the rabbits just come right over the property line and make my backyard their home.  I don't want them there and I even passed a decree that they have to stay out.  But, I keep leaving food, and they keep coming.  

The field mice are pretty upset about it.  They say that the rabbits are overrunning everything and starting to change the general culture of the backyard.  I tried to get the birds to keep the rabbits out, especially the ones causing problems but they said they can't tell the difference between the rabbits that I brought into the yard and the ones that are coming over.  Besides, they don't want to discriminate by asking the rabbits if they should be here or not.  They suggested that I stop putting food in the yard and put up a fence.  I told them that was a dumb idea and cause I want the rabbits to like me.  So I put some more food out.

Finally I realized that the field mice and other rodents in the yard were starting not to like me so I decided to do something about it.  I figured the best way to handle the problem was to put up a segment of fence about a quarter of the way across the back yard.  That should solve the problem.

If that doesn't work I don't know what I'll do.  Things just keep getting worse.  

Not too long ago I realized some badgers started coming into my yard and killing all the other animals.  I captured some and talked to them; they told me that's just what they do, kill animals.  I told them they shouldn't do that and that they should be nice and love the other animals.  Wouldn't you know it, they then tried to attack my wife.  So I found there nest and killed a few.  The others got mad and said they would come kill more animals in my yard.  I also got an ear full from the neighbors about how I shouldn't kill animals and how if I'm nice to them, they'll be nice to me.

Well, I started being nice and put out special food for them.  I even took food to their nest.  Those dang badgers had the nerve to try to kill me.  I asked them why but they told me the same thing, "that's what we do".  I tried to reason with them but now they're saying they don't like me or my neighbors and that they're not going to stop until they kill us all.

That sucks.  Oh well, I guess I'll run home to put some more food in the backyard.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Do Republicans Deserve to Lose?

I used to be one of those people who was always late.  I mean ALWAYS!  One teacher-workday in high school a group of us planned to go to the beach for the day.  We all agreed to meet at someone's house at 8am to get an early start.  I somehow managed to show up right around 8 and no one was there.  To my embarrassment I learned that only I was told to be there at 8, everyone else was told 9.

Since then I have met a wonderful, punctual woman who has taught me how to better manage my time (I am referring to my wife by the way).  I now realize the true cause of my tardiness. 

The usual scenario would go something like this: work started at 8am on Monday.  Sunday night I would stay up late watching TV or a movie and hit the bed 12:30am.  After reading or making a few notes in my journal I'd finally fall asleep around 1am.  My alarm would wake me up around 7 at which point I would silence it with the ever-pointless snooze button.  A good 15 min later I'd get up, eat breakfast, get ready for work and head out the door about 5 minutes til 8.  I'd get stuck at a few lights, end up behind a school bus, and manage to get to my desk by 8:15.  I would proceed to tell my boss that I was late because I got stuck behind a school bus.  

As you may have guessed, the real reason I was late had nothing to do with the school bus, but was because I stayed up the night before watching TV or a movie instead of getting to bed, getting a decent amount of sleep, and waking up refreshed when my alarm went off for the first time.

If the Republicans lose the House next month, it's not going to be because of a few scandalous emails or the fact that someone used the "N" word 30 years ago.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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O'Reilly: The Bible is "Bull"

I don't sit in front of the TV too often.  My wife and I watch a little TV on Sunday nights (she's a big fan of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) and on Thursday nights (I like CSI and she's addicted to Grey's Anatomy).  Needless to say I don't see the first fun of the O'Reilly Factor and I'm usually asleep before the second airing.

Last night, however, I was up a little later than normal and somehow ended up watching TV instead of reading Thomas Sowell's Basic Economics.  Apparently, O'Reilly was covering the story of a Texas woman suing her former pastor for telling the whole congregation about an affair she had.  I was about to turn it off, because really, can I have any control over what a court in Texas rules in regards to the separation of church and state?  Don't I have enough to deal with in my own community overrun with rising taxes and illegal immigrants?

But before I turned it off, I heard Bill ask his guest, who obviously sided with the pastor, what right this pastor had in telling the church.  His guest proceeded to paraphrase Matthew 18:15-17.

15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Bill's immediate response: "I'm going to say that's bull. It's the pastor's interpretation that he has the right to tell his congregation of any sin, but that's insane!"  Bill proceeded to say that he was a good Catholic but had never read that scripture.  He told his guest that there was no such passage and that this was some strange interpretation.  

It's certainly clear to me that Bill knows the entire Bible, he is in fact Catholic.  I think I'll stop reading the Bible and stop thinking for myself.  If I listen to Limbaugh during the day and O'Reilly and Hannity at night, I think I'll pretty much know what I should think about everything.  Afterall, those guys are never wrong!

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

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Large Sweet Tea for $0.99

How can I use the name Cackalacky and not write about Sweet Tea.  I don't know if it should be capitalized, but it definitely seems proper to me!  I absolutely love Sweet Tea.  In fact, it's safe to say that you can stop by my house unannounced, ask for a glass of Sweet Tea, and have one in hand in only a matter of seconds.

I used to joke with my yankee friends (and by yankee I mean anyone not raised in the south) that when I was a baby, my mom would put Sweet Tea in my bottle instead of milk.  Well, the older I get the less I'm sure that it's a joke.

Speaking of yankees, as far as I'm concerned, you're no longer in the South if you can't get Sweet Tea at a restaurant.  At one time Maryland and Northern Virginia were considered the South, but by my definition those days are long gone.  The James River is the new Mason-Dixon Line.  Anywhere beyond that and people either look at you funny or tell you they don't have Sweet Tea but you can have mango passion fruit lemon strawberry watermelon tea.  Listen honey, Sweet ain't an adjective.

I will say the funniest thing I've ever heard about Sweet Tea came from my boss, a Korean raised in Michigan, who said that the first time he tasted Sweet Tea it reminded him of chocolate milk. 

I still don't know if that's an insult or not.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Paper Mache Catapult

If you're reading this you're in one of two categories of people.  Either you are one of my two regular readers, or you've stumbled up this blog via the wonderful world of search engines.  I know this because I've realized that half the fun of blogging is seeing how people find your blog and where they are.

People have visited my site from numerous locations around the country, from the U.A.E., Dominican Republic, Canada, and Italy.  Which I think is pretty cool.  What's more interesting though is the key words.  I can only imagine what kind of data Google has on file!

Since I obviously don't have anything else to talk about today (it is in fact Friday and I don't feel like thinking), I figured I'd share some of the terms people searched that evenutally led them to this very blog.

bethany beach black warning flag
note to loud neighbors
michael decker biography north carolina
Black and Decker Iran (from Yahoo! Japan, but searched in the U.A.E.)
paper mache catapult
survivor race

Oddly enough, although I saved this blog as a draft because like many of my blogs, it's pointless, I managed to get a comment.  Yep, I didn't even post it yet.  But now, of course, I feel like I have to post it because after all, I got a comment.

So, if I'm going to post this anyway, I figure I might as well try to get some use out of it.  How am I going to do that?  I think I'll make a list of random words that may attract more Google users.  By the way, if you're still reading this, please stop wasting your time (your boss wouldn't appreciate it).

green bobsled wikipedia cackalacky barbeque collards pig pick'n telecomuter happy meal capitalisam liberal libertarian trebuchet black sock high-water midevil octopus wretched wallflower Raleigh kakalaki demolition tarheel

Woo and Mamaphoenix, my apologies!

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

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Bigger Government, Please!

I'm so glad to hear that NYC is proposing to ban the use of Trans Fats in restaurants.  I've been thinking a lot lately about how our government has gotten too small and has really lost control over the daily activities and habits of its citizens.  Don't we all agree that our founding fathers were ignorant fools and had no idea what they were doing.  Small government. . . pff!  Freedom . . . whatever!

I don't know anyone who doesn't think that the government does things efficiently and effectively.  Our federal and local governments operate with zero waste.  Every government employee is challenged, fulfilled, and works harder than any business executive out there.  It's a lean mean productive machine.

So it's about time our local and federal governments took a proactive approach to control more of our lives.  They've long understood that the average person doesn't know what's good for themselves or their family.  Just look at public schools - genius.  Retirement planning - incredible.  The new prescription drug plan - phenomenal.

New York and California are really taking the lead and someone needs to stand up and commend them.  Telling people where they can and can't smoke was brilliant.  And now telling restaurants what ingredients to cook with . . . why has it taken so long?  Telling private business owners what they can and can't do should only be the tip of the iceberg.  

To be perfectly honest, I really don't want any more freedoms.  I wish the government would tell me where to live, where to work, how many hours I can work, how much I should be paid, where my kids should go to school, what they should learn in school, how long they have to be in school, how much money should be taken out of my paycheck for retirement, how much money I should give to charities like welfare, and even smaller things like whether or not I should wear a helmet when I ride a motorcycle or if I should wear a seat-belt while driving.  Man, life would be so much simpler.

Come on people, let's expand governmental control.  After all, if it worked for the Soviet Union, it can surely work for us.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Wishy-Washy

I've never understood why the general consensus on various issues changes all the time.  Eggs are good for you.  Oh, just kidding, they're bad for you.  Only playing, they're really good for you.  Then there's the idea that you should stretch before you run.  Wait, maybe you should run and then stretch.  And recently I heard that Senator Robert Byrd used the term "ni**er" not too long ago and it was fine.  Now it seems that Senator George Allen may have used it 30 years ago and that's bad.  I'm so confused.

When I took Spanish in school, the teachers made it a point to not speak English in class - EVER!  From day one they introduced themsevles in Spanish, made us speak Spanish, and even gave out homework assignments in Spanish.  The idea was that total immersion in the language was the best and fastest way to learn it.

Now, all I hear about is how public school teachers are choosing, or being forced, to go back to school to learn Spanish to help teach all the Spanish-speaking kids in school English.  I don't really get how speaking Spanish to a Spanish-speaking kid is going to help the kid learn English.  But then again, I did grow up in public school.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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I Am the King of Pop

Looks like Hezbollah is getting ready to have a big 'ol shindig in celebration of their victory over Israel.  I do in fact recall that they declared victory after the fighting was stopped by Kofi Annan's declaration that they should stop.

I don't know why more people don't declare stuff.  I think they're on to something.  In fact, I think we should clear up the history books and go ahead and declare victory in Vietnam.  Then perhaps we can get together and have a big 'ol shindig ourselves.  

And why stop there?  I know a lot of folks here in the Dirty South that would be quite happy if we declared victory over the North in the horrible invasion of 1861.  Furthermore, the Bush administration could easily when the war in Iraq.  All they need to do is stop fighting, bring the troops home, and then declare victory.

You may think I'm being funny, but it really works, even here in the U.S.  The left declared Al Gore victorious over Bush and they still believe it.  Al Gore declared that the Earth's warming is caused by human destruction; lot's of people believe that.  Wal-Mart is evil, Bush lied, public schools need more money. . . and the list goes on.

I'm thinking about declaring myself the King of Pop, but I should probably ask my wife first.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Keep It Up California

It seems that the state of California filed a law suit against Ford, GM, and Toyota because apparently greenhouse gases from their vehicles have cost the state millions of dollars.

First of all, if costing the state millions of dollars is grounds for a law suit, I propose they should also sue illegal immigrants, convicted criminals, and the state government in general.

Really, I expect nothing less from California, and I'm not dissapointed.  After all, it's quite possible that their antics to alienate business has helped North Carolina cities such as Raleigh and Durham advance to Forbes top 10 places for business.  You'll be hard pressed to find any California city on the list, and none found their way to the top 25.  I wonder why?  Increasing taxes, tougher restrictions on manufacturers, and forcing companies to pay top dollar for unskilled workers - sounds like a good way to promote business and growth.

Keep up the good work!

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Protesting: I've Been Missing Out

Lately I've been having this feeling that I'm missing out on part of life in this global economy.  To be specific, I'm wondering if I should start protesting.

Protesting really seems to be the cool thing to do these days.  After all, protesters always get to burn stuff and ever since I was young, I've liked to burn stuff too.  Burning stuff is cool.  When I was in the Boy Scouts, we used to spray the bottoms of our shoes with bug spray and light it on fire, then run around the camp ground jumping up and down and laughing.

I'm also thinking seriously about protesting cause I think you get to live in trees.  That sounds awesome.  My dad built my brother and me a tree-house in our backyard when I was young.  It was so much fun, except for the time I fell out and landed in a metal bucket.  That was sort of painful, but I still like playing in the woods.

Another thing that seems cool about protesting, especially overseas, is that apparently you get issued an AK-47 and get to hold it up while you run around screaming and yelling.  I think sometimes you even get to fire it in the air.  That's pretty cool.  It doesn't seem like they have restrictions on shooting semi-automatic rifles in the city in Muslim countries, I wonder if I should go over there to protest.

One more thing, when protesting, it seems like you get to wear cool headgear that hides your face, carry flags and banners, and make paper-mache political figures.  I used to make paper-mache stuff in elementary school and we had a lot of fun.  Your hands get a little slimy, but I think it washes off pretty easily.  I made a paper-mache tiger in 3rd grade that my parents still have, that makes me feel good.

Finally, here in the U.S., when you protest, you get to leave work and wander around outside with friends, sing songs, and chant.  I like singing songs.  I remember going to camp and getting around a big fire and singing songs together.  It's especially fun when someone brings a guitar and some bongos.  But protesting is even better than that, not only do you get to play outside, you get paid for it, and sometimes you even get a raise and better benefits.

Man, I really have been missing out.  Now, I just need to find something to protest and a good group of folks to join me.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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Why We Aren't Safer

Of course the discussion of whether or not we're safer is completely asinine.  It's not like building a wall 6 feet tall instead of 3 feet tall makes you safer from a catapult.  Does inspecting 5% of containers make us any safer than inspecting 3%.  If someone wants to kill you and is willing to do so at any cost, how do you ever really know if you're safer?

You don't.

I have ants in my back yard.  I put stuff down to get rid of them (or the left may say I "slaughter" the innocent creatures).  I feel like I'm doing a good job, but since I can't see what they're doing all the time, how do I ever really know?  Maybe they're in the front yard, or under the house.  Maybe they're on top of the house?  Maybe they're scheming in the tool shed.  Maybe I should go home and check on things.

What the idiots who bring up this type of question are really getting at is: are we spending enough tax payers money?  And their answer is obviously no.

My question is this:  is it a requirement to be clueless on economics to be a politician?  There are actually elected officials that want 100% of containers that arrive at our ports inspected.  What in the world are these people smoking?  (well, I can probably guess)  Who is going to do this?  How long will it take?  How will the less efficient supply chain effect costs for the customer?  Talk about putting a hurtin' on the poor.

I'm reminded of the discussion after Katrina on whether or not the Army Corp of Engineers could have built the levees taller and/or thicker.  Of course they could.  We can build 25 foot high, 10 feet thick walls.  We can also strip search every passenger going on a plane.  We can keep anyone from driving within 10 miles of a government building.  But who is going to pay for this?

To our "special" people in government; didn't your mom tell you that money doesn't grow on trees?

Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
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